Step One: We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable

This was a topic of discussion in a meeting I recently attended. Although I had worked step one before, it brought up a lot of feelings for me revisiting it. Powerlessness, learning to let go. Remembering that I need to focus on what is in my lane, in my space, in my corner of this world. Yet, there are so many things in my life right now that I want so badly to control. To see into the future to see what the outcomes of said things will be. It is chaos spinning around in my head trying to figure these things out, to fix them, manipulate them, control it and the outcomes. Logically I know that I am powerless over these things, yet it wears on me. Trying to control is so embedded into who I am.

Today I heard the following statement:

I have fear of life spinning out of control as it did for me as a child.

It was a moment of clarity for me. I am afraid of chaos, and uncertainty. I want to be in an environment that I can be safe and if I can control it, I will be safe. The thing is though… I have no control over other people, or the things that they may or not do. I never have, Lord knows I’ve tried. I only can control myself. I am powerless over everything else.

The concept of this seems easy, yet it is really a struggle for me right now.

“On this day I see wonderful things happening in my life as I loosen my grip… and let go.”

Strengthening My Recovery

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